Youth Romances are Really Hard, As Expected
by caracarus
Summary: An examination of what happens when Hikigaya Hachiman enters into a real relationship. Rated T, as a good catch-all sort of rating.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Oregairu, any affiliated characters, etc.

* * *

"I love you."

My heart did a backflip.

A highlight reel, or maybe a "lowlight" reel of my life flashed before my eyes. An imprint of my past trauma flickered in my mind, but that was completely wrong. This was an inversion of that trauma. A twisted deja vu.

This was something that wasn't supposed to happen. I was confused, because this wasn't the world that I lived in. No, I was less confused and more in a state of disbelief. This was outside of what I considered reality. Or rather something that I believed could never happen. This was the stuff of my middle school daydreams, fairy dust and all.

Looking off to the side, I, Hikigaya Hachiman, panicked. I glanced away not out of habit, though I had done that enough, it was just that there must be someone else she was talking to. But that was impossible, because we were the only ones here. We were trapped in this club room, bathed in the light of the sunset. Speaking of trapped, this was way too much like a trap I fell into a long time ago. It was a lot like one of those bitter memories.

But it wasn't anything like that.

And this was all just an excuse, an excuse not to face the person before me.

Yukinoshita Yukino could lie, but not like this.

She could be misunderstood, she could omit, but she would never outright lie..

Yukinoshita wanted to change the world, she was that type of sincere person.

It's not usually cowardly to run away, but if I ran away now I'd actually hate myself again. I promised myself I would never bring myself to that point, again. I refuse to change because I'm satisfied with who I am, that's why I'm not going to run away from this person. This Yukinoshita Yukino.

But…

"How could a person like him ever be in a relationship?"

All those doubts, all those thoughts sped through my head in the instant after she said those words.

"I love you."

And all those doubts were dispelled as I looked into her eyes, nervous and brutally confident at the same time. Girls really were terrifying, and I really was weak to them. That wasn't the reason though, that couldn't be the reason I would get into something like a relationship.

There was something else.

Maybe, no, there was certainly something else like "I love you too."

Something like that.

So, because this one time I sorta wanted to be cool, because this one time I decided to read the mood, this one time I'd fall for it, fall for her, again, and this one time seemed like the right timing, I leaned in and answered her with one simple gesture.

I, Hikigaya Hachiman, kissed Yukinoshita Yukino.

I guess I can thank the God of romantic comedies that we didn't bump noses.

* * *

"So what do we do now?"

"Start calling each other by first names?" I answered wryly, not able to come up with a satisfactory answer myself. I fidgeted, I wasn't exactly comfortable, as far as I was concerned this was uncharted territory. I was uncool enough already. As I reflected on how uncool it was that Yukinoshita, no, now she was Yukino wasn't she, had taken the initiative I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

"What's so funny?" She looked pouty now, in that way she did sometimes. I had to admit it was exceedingly cute.

"How cool you are, Yukino."

Somehow she could tell I was being serious. So she said what I had come to expect.

"Of course, Hachiman." That felt tacked on, like not sincere at all. The least she could do was put some more effort into it. That really wasn't cute at all. Those were all things I tried to convince myself of, but I couldn't.

"Anyways, I think today we should just go about our business as is, its not like we changed. Its just the terms under which our relationship is defined was. So, um, yeah."

"So you're stalling because you have no idea? You're the most unreliable type of person." With one of her eyebrows raised Yukino looked especially disapproving this time. I tried to look pouty myself, but from Yukino's expression, I could tell that didn't work for shit. Dead fish eyes and pouting really don't mix huh, there goes another one of my hopes and dreams.

She squeezed my hand, hers was soft, small, delicate.

She was, after all, perfectly beautiful. That was just who she was.

"I'll give you an out this one time though."

"I live only by the grace of my Queen," I retorted.

She only smiled as she stood up and left the club room.

* * *

"Wow, I never imagined seeing you come here on your own, Hikigaya."

Miss Hiratsuka spun slowly in her revolving chair, looking rather smug.

"Did something good happen?" She continued, a smirk spreading across her face. I paused before answering, weighing her words and my potential words. I fidgeted again, because I really wasn't comfortable in situations like this.

"I guess you could say that," I replied, scratching at the side of my face. I glanced to the side. This time it was force of habit more than anything else.

"So?"

"W-well, um, Yukino and-" I managed to stutter those words out before she caught on.

"Yukino? I see." She stood up and stepped in, closing the distance between us in an instant.

"Don't hurt her, Hikigaya. I don't need to tell you that though, do I?"

She didn't.

"Things won't get easier from here on out," she continued, gesturing to emphasize her point.

"You would know."

"I would."

She said it without a hint of anger, and only the faintest touch of bitterness. In her heart as a teacher she must be overjoyed, that I had in some ways been "fixed", even if I hadn't changed at all. In her heart as a person she must be overwhelmed by bitterness and longing. That by some odd twist of fate I had found a relationship before she had, or rather one that could, maybe, work. Miss Hiratsuka was a good teacher though, so she could put that part of herself aside and be happy for me, for us, for the time being.

"The effort isn't over Hikigaya."

"I know that. I've seen enough trap endings, been through enough that I know a happy ending doesn't just materialize with the words 'I love you'."

At that moment, she hugged me.

"Even if you know that, just be happy for awhile, okay Hikigaya?"

I paused, mulling it over. Just be happy, huh? Happy.

Okay.

"Okay, I'll try, Miss Hiratsuka."

* * *

This is my first attempt at writing something like this, so reviews and criticism would be appreciated. If anything is out of character or just plain wrong, feel free to comment on it. Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Oregairu, or any affiliated characters, etc.

* * *

As expected, Hikigaya Hachiman forgot something important.

* * *

You know that feeling that you forgot something important, but then you rationalize that if it was really important, you wouldn't have forgotten? Well, as it turns out, it's always important.

* * *

In spite of an errant inkling, of what I couldn't put my finger on, there was a bounce in my step as I returned from school. I yelled "I'm home," like I always did, I tried to move as I always did, and tried to look like I always did. I walked into the living room to find her sprawled across the couch, obviously procrastinating. The second Komachi looked up at me, she knew. She knew something was different. It had really been a silly effort, we had known each other for something like fifteen years after all. She knew me, at least a little, so it was only natural that she caught on that something was different.

"Bro, what happened? You have that creepy grin on your face, the kind that only happens when you're watching some anime or playing on the Vita."

Shit, you didn't even have to know me to pick up on such an obvious tell. I overestimated you, Komachi. As I struggled to rearrange my face into something less "creepy" Komachi adjusted her body into a more attentive position. Sitting up, resting her chin on her hands, she looked up at me expectantly.

I sighed, I might as well tell her. I wouldn't want her to get over-excited or worried while she should be studying for her entrance exams though. She was screwing around here anyways though, so I should use this as an opportunity to get this conversation over with.

"Yukino and I are going out."

My sister stared at me in disbelief, then fell over laughing. She managed to choke out a sentence through the giggles.

"Oh. My. God. Bro, you almost had me there for a second. Is this, what do you call it, like, candid camera?"

That wasn't cute at all. What the hell, do you have no faith in your older brother Komachi? I take back all the times I said or thought you were cute. I kept up my deadpan expression. As realization dawned on her, she sat bolt upright.

"Wait...really?"

"Yes, Komachi, really, you should have more faith in your older brother. You should have known he could achieve his lifelong dream of being a house husband." Shunting my train of thought into reality, I managed to quickly change my expression to one of disapproval.

"Wow, I'd thought maybe you were gunning for Totsuka or something. I have to say I'm proud of you." Throwing her hands up in the air in defeat, she said this rather matter-of-factly.

I coughed, I had to admit I had considered the Saika route just a...few times? As far as I was concerned, this was a battle won I had won. Turning away, I decided to go up stairs and brood. So I was rather surprised when I felt a weight pulling on my arm.

Looking back, I was met with a worried frown spreading across Komachi's face.

"Have you told Yui?"

I knew I had forgotten something. That wasn't the case though, forgetting was a much more passive process than what I had done. I had chosen to forget, rather than face reality. A normally harmless rationalization had reared up and become a monster, this forgetfulness was not innocent.

So that's why Yuigahama Yui didn't know, and that was what I had chosen to forget. Komachi's reaction and recent events had confirmed this nonsensical trick of God. That I, Hikigaya Hachiman, had been thrust into a love triangle. And a triangle was a lot more complicated than a line.

"No."

Komachi's eyes were the only chastising I needed.

"Don't look at me like that. Trust your big brother, alright?" I puffed out my chest, attempting to look cool and reliable, as futile an effort as that was.

"Alright." She knew that this wasn't something she should really be getting involved in. She would poke her nose in on occasion, but she had a certain level of understanding about these things. All in all, my sister had far more tact than I did. Really, it would almost be embarrassing if I cared about that sort of thing.

We siblings left it at that, because we had come to a sort of mutual understanding.

I went up the steps, each one feeling like a separate trial. It must be the apprehension. Reaching into my pants pocket I pulled out my phone. I didn't use it for much, but I guess I'd be seeing it a lot more of it now. I had a girlfriend after all. God, that sounded wrong even in my head.

Even still, I dialed her, Yukino's, number. My heart beat quickened, probably just the heat. She picked up on the third ring, must be busy or something. In some ways she gave off the impression that she always was.

"Yukino, we need to talk."

* * *

"Yukino, we need to talk."

I, Yukinoshita Yukino, still felt my heart beat just a little bit faster whenever I heard him say my name. It was embarrassing. I had picked up on the third ring, force of habit, really. It was always nice to give off the impression to people that you were busy, they bothered you less.

"About?"

"Yuigahama."

"Ah." I fidgeted. I was more nervous about that than I had cared to admit. As unfamiliar as I was with these things, if Hiki-, Hachiman, could pick up on something like that so could I.

"We should probably talk about something like this in person, with Yuigahama." That was true, talking about Yuigahama behind her back seemed somehow underhanded. Almost like kicking a puppy, it would make me feel sick.

"Hachiman, we should meet with her on our day-off tomorrow, that would be most convenient for everyone." I proffered the idea, intent upon solving our problem.

"Yeah, probably." Noncommittal, as always. There were some things about Hikigaya Hachiman that I couldn't stand. Still, in the end I couldn't say that I disliked his disgusting qualities.

"Let's meet at the Starbucks then, noon?"

"Sure, which one of us is getting Yuigahama then?" I sighed, I supposed that duty fell to me. I had taken the initiative after all.

"That falls to me, I suppose."

"Good enough, goodnight Yukino." My heart beat a little faster. There was something I needed to clear up though. That thing about the way he did things that I hated. No, that was something I couldn't change about him. On that front I could only make him understand. I needed to clear up something about one specific way he had done things that I hated.

"Wait." I collected my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"No more fake confessions, okay?"

"Okay." Okay.

"You really mean it, right? Even if it seems like its the only way?"

"Yeah."

"I, um, goodnight Hachiman."

"Yeh, uh, goodnight, Yukino." My heart beat a lot a bit faster.

* * *

"Yuigahama, can we meet up at the Starbucks tomorrow?"

"Sure, Yukinon, when?"

"Around noon?"

"Alright, goodnight Yukinon."

"Goodnight, Yuigahama."

* * *

Thank you to everyone for bearing with me in reading and reviewing this fanfiction, I really appreciate any feedback I can get. I'm not sure if I did a very good job writing Yukinoshita, I'm not particularly good at writing girls in general. As for some concerns about Yukinoshita's confession being out of character it probably was. Upon further reflection I really should have made Yui confess and then used that as an impetus for Hikigaya and Yukinoshita to realize that they wanted to be together. That's probably a missed opportunity though, oh well, no regrets at this point.

I'll probably be updating this fic every day, or every other day. I have a lot of time and a lot of boredom over summer vacation.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Oregairu or any affiliated characters, etc.

* * *

Yuigahama Yui is more flustered than she cares to admit.

* * *

This was really uncomfortable.

This wasn't really the place we should talk about something like this. Yukino and I had underestimated the sort of crowd that gathered here on off-days. It was the annoying kind of crowd that tried to look dignified while tapping away that their pristine white Macbooks. The kind that pretends to write, or rather the type that needs to be seen while writing to validate the act. Besides none of them could look as flawlessly haughty as Yukino.

"Hey, Yukino, don't you think-"

"We shouldn't stay here should we?" Nope. A place like Starbucks really didn't have the right mood did it? With things like this that was actually really important. I watched as Yukino ran her fingers through her hair, she did that often. A habit, or more a nervous tic? I wasn't sure anymore, though it always made her looked dignified. She was actually rather neurotic if I had to be honest. Then again, I couldn't dislike that part, or any part of her for that matter, could I?

"It's good we got here early," I remarked.

"Yes." Unusual for her not to recommend an alternative, she was probably even more nervous about this than I was. For whatever reason, I guess. She bit her lip, thinking hard.

"Maybe we should go to my house...hmm, Komachi's there though." I offered the thought as stimulation more than anything, it wasn't really a solution.

"We could, ah, go to my apartment, I suppose. I do live alone." Right, Yukino did live alone. Well if you had a sister like Yukinoshita Haruno, I supposed I couldn't blame her. I'm not sure I'd be able to live with that kind of person. Not to mention her mother was scarier than Haruno? I shuddered just thinking about it. I suppose I would have to introduce mys- I shook my head vigorously, that wasn't the time for that line of thought.

"I'll go call Yuigahama, Hachiman."

"Yeah." I reached out and squeezed her hand. She squeezed back and my heart beat a little bit faster. A relationship between two loners, huh? I suppose this is what this was like. It was nice. It was really nice, I had to say. Neither of us had a lot to say, we were quiet people. Neither of us needed to say anything though.

* * *

"Ah, Yukinon? I'll be at the Starbucks soon."

"Sorry, Yuigahama. Can you come to my place instead?'

"Ah sure, Yukinon. You want me to bring you anything I'm almost at the Starbucks. I'm probably buying a coffee or something."

"No, that's fine. Sorry, Yuigahama." For more than one thing.

"That's fine, I'll be at your apartment soon! Number 1507 right?" Why did she always have to be like this?

"Yeah."

* * *

Yukino was biting her lip again as she dragged me out of the Starbucks.

"Yuigahama is almost here. Bumping into her now would be...bad." Bad was Yukino's way of saying terrible, horrible, shitty, or really really bad. Even I was biting my lip as the two of us rushed toward her apartment.

Hurrying down the street I found myself simply staring at her, at Yukino. She was that reliable type of person, she would get us where we needed to go. I could rely on her this time, I could be that type of person in this moment. I guess I could enjoy myself for the time being, just getting dragged along.

This was kind of romantic, wasn't it? Even if we weren't those kind of people. When she glanced back at me, as if to check if I was still there, I saw a smile. Not the bittersweet strained smile she always wore. It was something genuine.

And maybe, for a moment, I was happy too.

* * *

With all the excitement, it felt as though we collapsed into Yukino's apartment. It wasn't anything that unnecessarily melodramatic however. Yukino daintily took off her shoes and slipped into her slippers. I followed suite, availing myself of a pair. She managed to sit down daintily too, always so dignified.

I plopped down beside her and looked around the apartment. I thought I heard an "eep" come from Yukino as my weight hit the couch. Smirking a little, I took in my surroundings. There was something about this place that made me...sad? It was bare, almost more like a prison than an apartment.

There was nothing here to declare "I am Yukinoshita Yukino." It was pretty, it was opulent, but there was no substance. There was nothing here. And I guess that made me sad.

"Hachiman?" Badump. I had to stop my overactive heart, this really was embarrassing how every time she said my name, it skipped a beat. Was this what they called the honeymoon period?

"Yeah?"

"How do we do this?"

"Beats me, Yukino." I looked at her. She looked at me. What was this mood, this atmosphere? Is this what people meant by the feeling of youth? At this moment I can't say I dislike it.

Just then, the door slammed open. We hadn't bothered locking it, and as usual Yuigahama hadn't bothered to knock. She was something of a force of nature, that one, wasn't she? I thought she was supposed to be good at taking a hint, then she just ruins the mood like that.

Not really though, I wasn't sure why I was ticked off. This was for Yuigahama's benefit. I was just being a selfish lover I guess you could say. I almost threw up a little, somewhat disgusted by myself. This feeling was something of a salt in Yuigahama's wound wasn't it?

"Hikki? Why are you here?" Yuigahama pouted.

"Wasn't this supposed to be something like a girl's night Yukinon?"

"Yuigahama we need to talk, I'm sorry I couldn't present my intentions to you properly. You know how I am though." Hey, hey, wasn't this eerily similar to another situation. Except Yuigahama's assumption was correct this time.

"Huh, what is it Yukinon? Is that why Hikki is here?" Yukino probably looked really uncomfortable, judging from Yuigahama's expression. It was my time to shine, as they say. Truth be told, Yuigahama herself looked rather agitated, reading the mood was her main talent after all.

"Yuigahama, Yukino and I are going out." Bluntness was one of my strong points.

Half-expecting the same reaction as Komachi from her, I looked at Yuigahama intently.

"We wanted to make sure to tell you," Yukino added. This entire conversation was just incredibly uncomfortable. I can safely say that I wanted to be anywhere but here, but I had to be here. This wasn't about me.

Yuigahama's expression quickly transitioned from that of shock to a strained smile. The same kind Yukino sometimes wore. It looked even more painful on Yuigahama's face. Leaning forward she wrapped an arm around each of us and whispered, "I'm happy for you two."

Like Miss Hiratsuka was a good teacher, Yuigahama Yui was a good friend.

* * *

I said it didn't, I thought it didn't.

So why does it hurt so much?

Why did it hurt so much when he called her Yukino?

* * *

For anyone curious the current time frame of the fic is probably between volume 7 and volume 8 of the light novels. I appreciate any and all feedback, and would really like feedback on my writing of Yuigahama. This chapter was hard to write, the next one will probably be easier because I enjoy Haruno's excessive trolling.


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own Oregairu or any affiliated characters, etc.

* * *

As expected Yukinoshita Haruno really likes to cause trouble.

* * *

Isn't it strange that the alpha and the omega are most similar in circumstance? One isolated because no one is his equal, the other tossed aside because he is equal to no one.

* * *

The day after we told her about us Yuigahama didn't come to the club room.

"Give it time." We both said that, and we both thought it while pretending to be a lot less worried than we really were.

* * *

"Yahallo!" That isn't cute. Stop doing that. I'd seen off Yukino only to be ambushed by her sister moments later. This was the worst kind of luck, or rather it seemed like she had been laying in wait. I decided that if Yukino was a cat then her sister was probably a tiger. She had that sort of predatory instinct.

Tigers are already scary, I wondered again what their mother would be like. Yukino's dad must have a tough time.

Sighing I turned to face Haruno. She was wearing a rather low cut top that revealed generous amounts of cleavage. Wait, wait, was this some kind of jab at my couple status? Sorry Haruno, you're underestimating Bewbton here. I shook myself, this was a matter of honor, so I forced my eyes a few degrees upward.

"What are you doing here, Yukinoshita?" Was there any point in asking? Seemingly horrified by my question Haruno drew back quickly, looking hurt.

"Hachiman you're so cruel! Shouldn't you be calling me Big Sis?" What's with that overfamiliarity huh? You're not allowed to call me that. That's reserved for Yukino and Totsuka. Haven't you had enough stuff reserved for you to know what that means?

"I'm sure you already bothered Yukino about this, can't you just leave me alone for a bit?"

"Where's the fun in that?" It's plenty fun for me. Sighing again I turned away and began walking towards home, knowing she would follow. She was that annoying kind of person.

"You're so mean…"

"Hey, Big Sis," I tried to mix as much sarcasm into the two words as possible, "You think you could drop the act, just for me?" It really was irritating for some reason.

"Nope!" Well there goes that idea. "It's much more fun seeing your habit of looking behind people's words." Quite the hedonist aren't you?

I just sighed, again, and kept on moving. I was sighing a lot, wasn't I?

"C'mon Hachiman, slow down. Talk to Big Sis for a bit!" I stopped myself from sighing again and faced her, this wasn't exactly something I could get out of. Haruno would probably barge into my house. Shuddering at the thought, I gestured toward some random cafe. Chiba was so convenient. Thank you Chiba, at least I can have this conversation in relative comfort.

"I'll treat you to a coffee then Hachiman, we're practically family after all." There was something impressive about Yukinoshita Haruno that made me unable to hate her. How convincingly perfect she was, that was it. She was able to be perfect so conveniently and so naturally fit into an ideal, as insincere as it was. That was impressive. All in all, I admired Yukinoshita Haruno.

Haruno plopped down next to me and passed me a coffee.

"Thanks." Still, go sit across from me, there you go with the over familiarity again. Taking a sip, I recoiled at the bitterness. Always had to get a punch in didn't she?

"So Hachiman, I was thinking of introducing to Mother some time." Please don't. I don't think I'm ready.

"Really? Sound interesting." I tried to act as bored as possible, shoving down my nervousness. Haruno poked me a few times before continuing.

"Yukino's really cute don't you think? Especially the way she's always chasing after me, you know? How could anyone think that wasn't cute?" Really, I was thinking that competitiveness was one of Yukino's more exploitable characteristics. Actually, it was really cute. A bit unhealthy though.

"Yeah." Short and sweet, that should be one of my mottos. I found myself not talking much near Haruno, or less than I did already. What a pain. She just laughed and continued on her train of thought.

"So I was thinking that I was actually really sad. Letting Yukino have you might almost be a waste you know, Hachiman." What's the point of keeping up an act when someone can see through it?

"After all, guys like you really are my type," Isn't your teasing getting a little excessive here? "Anyways, I guess I just came to tell you I'm glad that Yukino was chosen this time."

As she finished Haruno smiled at me again. There was something real there. Something that seemed a little bit genuine, I guess.

"Even without all the makeup I'm sure you don't look that bad, Yukinoshita." I guess I can relate to Haruno on some level. We both have cute younger sisters that we need to look out for, don't we?

"It's more fun this way." Right. Finishing my bitter drink in one gulp I stood up, Haruno following my lead. Exiting the cafe I waved goodbye and walked off in the direction of my house.

"Hey Hachiman!"

"Yeah?" I looked back for a second.

"You should take Yukino out on a real date soon! You guys need to become a cute lovey-dovey couple! Big Sis is rooting for you two!" Right. She was right though. About the date thing.

* * *

Upon arriving home I sank into my sofa. Deciding to check my phone for any messages from Yukino I found myself with an unusually crowded inbox. So three messages.

Totsuka Saika - "I'm rooting for you!"

Zaimokuza - Just a thumbs up, huh?

Hayama Hayato- "Good luck." Can't tell if that's malicious or well-intentioned. Nevermind, considering it's Hayama it was probably sincere.

News gets around doesn't it? I wonder how Hayama got my number though. Since I was already here I followed Haruno's advice. Compose message.

"Yukino, you wanna go somewhere our next day off?"

Send.

* * *

Wow my chapters are actually really short, they seem a lot longer when you're writing them I guess. I enjoyed writing this chapter though it was kind of mostly filler considering the real conflict is probably still the Yukino-Yuigahama-Hikigaya relationship. I thought I'd tie up some loose ends with the rest of the characters though.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Oregairu, or any affiliated characters, etc.

* * *

As expected, everything became more complicated.

* * *

1 new message. From: Hikigaya Hachiman.

"Yukino, you wanna go somewhere our next dayoff?" Our next day off, we, plural. It was a tough thing to get used to, being a couple. Being a plurality wasn't an unpleasant feeling though.

Compose message.

"Yeah, we can decide together after Service Club tomorrow."

Send.

Holding my phone close to my chest, I smiled like an idiot.

* * *

With how cold the weather was getting I was grateful for my mom's miso soup. There was only one month left in the year. There was a sort of grace to the end of the year that couldn't be understated. That feeling of "Hey, soon I'll have crawled through another 365 days." That feeling that the year would soon be gone. It was a sort of urgency wasn't it? Maybe it was a call to make memories? After all, memories were precious because nothing can measure up to the past. Once you lose everything, only the memories will be left behind.

"Come on, hurry up and finish so we can go to school."

"Alright, alright," Komachi answered me while sounding a little ticked off. As we both blew on our miso soup my sister looked at me rather intently.

"How are things with Yui?"

"Fine." Fine, as in I don't know yet.

"What do you mean by fine?" Komachi pressed, leaning forward.

"Fine, as in fine. Dandy? Fine, as in good, normal. You know that sort of thing." Her dubious gaze stared back at me accusingly.

"Really it's nothing," I assured her, and began eating in earnest, signaling the end of the conversation.

"Are you sure?" Normally Komachi's nosiness didn't really irritate me. It was fun just saying something random and confusing her, but usually she wasn't this stubborn about it.

"Stop, alright? You're being annoying." It came out harsher than I'd imagined it would. Komachi was shocked silent for a second, then she began to shake.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She yelled it out at the top of her lungs.

"It's supposed to mean you were being really annoying." I wanted to just laugh it off, but there was something about the situation that made it impossible now. Besides, it was impossible to take back your words in the first place.

"Hmph...I won't ask about it anymore then."

We ate in silence from that point on.

Gulping down her soup, Komachi stalked towards the front door.

"I'll be going first."

"'Kay." Then I got worried, I might have made my sister angry. It had been years since that had happened, and while she didn't get angry often, when Komachi got angry it stuck. As I finished my food and walked out, making sure to lock up, I began to dread coming back home. I wasn't sure if I could deal with the face Komachi would make.

Girls in the middle of puberty are terrifying.

* * *

The atmosphere in my classroom was bit odd. It had started when news got around that I was dating Yukino. This is probably the feeling of being noticed again, the room felt something like this right after the Cultural Festival. Confusion rather than hate was the main feeling being directed this time. "How could _he_ be going out with _her_?" That was the general gist of it. If you're just going to be hurtful like that, buzz off.

Truth be told I was a little depressed, Yuigahama had gone to eat lunch with Yukino. I'd like to think that things were fine again, but... And till, not eating lunch with your girlfriend is a little…sad?

Oh well, Yukino called it "Girl's time". Whatever that meant. I was surprised that Yukino could comprehended or care for a concept like that. Even so, here I was.

"Hey, Hikigaya, can we talk for a bit?" And there stood Hayama Hayato with his classic refreshing smile. Wasn't there some saying, nice guys finish last? No, Hayama Hayato was such a wonderful, reliable person that he couldn't be confined by stereotypes like that.

"Sure Hayama. Whatever," I replied noncommittally. If Hayama had bothered to initiate the conversation, there was definitely a reason. In general, Hayama didn't seem like that sort of frivolous person. He was also enough of a nice guy to respect my personal zone most of the time.

"I just wanted to check in with you." What are you my mom? I had to admit, the image of Hayama in an apron making miso soup wasn't unappealing. His "Zone" was just that strong, I guess.

"About?" Hayama gave me a wry smile. Eh, maybe I was being a little too easy to read there.

I shrugged, "Everything's good." Sighing a bit, Hayama expressed his worries.

"Yuigahama hasn't been acting the same since…" Yeah. Hayama Hayato was that kind of guy, always concerned, always reliable. His niceness had to be some sort of disease, really. Of course he would pick up that something was different. He had wanted everything to remain the same.

Circumstance removed that from his control though. Resting my chin on my hand, I mused over how in the end, despite Ebina's request, the status quo in their group had changed.

"I know." I sort of hoped it would resolve itself, but that was just ignoring the reality in front of me.

"Besides that, I'm also concerned about Yukinoshita, we are childhood friends after all. I let her down before, so I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't hurt her. Even though I'm sure you already know that."

"Yeah." I was a bit surprised, but these were the sort of things that Hayama Hayato would say. He was just that sort of person. If anyone else but Miss Hiratsuka or Hayama said that sort of thing to me, I'd probably be really irritated. They just had that mature point of view though, as annoying as it could be.

"I'll do my best." Turning away, I ended the conversation at that.

"Ah, one more thing." Raising an eyebrow, I turned back towards him. "Things won't be same anymore."

He said that last part sadly.

* * *

Upon entering the clubroom, I saw Yukino and Yuigahama chatting away just like before.

"Ah, Hikki!" As they heard me enter, both of them turned their attentions toward me. "Hello Hachiman."

"So Hikki, I heard you two were going out on your off day. I'm like, totally, kinda jealous. Maybe I should get a boyfriend." Yuigahama continued on that loaded train of thought. "Ah, we could go on double dates!"

It was a very Yuigahama-esque train of thought. Really it was, that was probably why she was expressing it. So everything would seem like it had returned to normal.

"Sounds fun."

"I'm not sure Hachiman could interact properly in that sort of setting." Oi, oi, that was hurtful Yukino. I could go on a double date. I mean probably.

"That's probably true, actually. Oh well." Don't go and agree with her on that, Yuigahama. That was definitely a situation I could handle myself in. It's crazy how little faith you two have in me.

Sulking a little I asked, "So honey, how was your day?" I had to play the role of the house husband, right?

Blushing slightly, Yukino adjusted her hair.

"It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, yours?"

"That's cold Yukino, you're so hurtful. You didn't call me honey back."

"I see no reason to call you honey, Hikigaya, after all you're not sweet at all." Ouch.

"You're sweet then, right Yukino?"

"Well-" I smirked a little. Yukino blushed again, and buried her face in her book.

Just then, Miss Hiratsuka barged in, towing Shiromeguri Meguri and someone I didn't know. She was cute, in a small animal kind of way, with her big eyes.

"Knock!" Yukino insisted, though at this point it was probably pointless reminding her. She hadn't said that in a while actually. Aww, was Yukino embarrassed? That was really cute actually.

"Yahallo, Isshiki!"

"Yahallo, Yuigahama-senpai!"

Right, Isshiki Iroha. Manager of the soccer club?

Miss Hiratsuka cleared her throat.

"Anyways, we have a request so listen up."

* * *

We'd been at this for a while. Isshiki even had some of her bad attitude peek through. Sighing and looking tired, she clearly didn't really want to be here.

"Shiromeguri, we aren't really getting anywhere. So could we just sleep on this for now?"

"Alright, we'll be going then." Meguri and Isshiki picked themselves up and headed out. It was really their fault so proposing such an annoying request. Lose than uncontested election without losing face, that was just the sort of thing that a person like Isshiki Iroha would ask for.

"I'll leave this in your hands then," Miss Hiratsuka said, as she left as well.

"Alright, I'll be going home then!" Picking up her bags, Yuigahama left too.

"We should head out too then," I suggested to Yukino.

"Yeah, let's go. We can think of a solution to Isshiki's problem later."

Exiting the room, we walked down the hallway. We were only a little bit apart. So, because it seemed natural, I laced my fingers between Yukino's. I had to take the initiative sometime right?

She squeezed my hand, and out of the corner of my eye I could have sworn I saw Miss Hiratsuka giving me a thumbs up. Must be a trick of the light.

As we exited the school, I explained the Komachi situation to Yukino.

"So you wanna kill time for a bit?"

"I suppose I can indulge your cowardice this time."

"Why do you always have to be so hurtful," I retorted. Yukino just stuck out her tongue at me. I raised my eyebrows.

"Was that something you learned from Yuigahama?"

"70% of communication doesn't involve words right?"

"Yeah." That's not what that really means though.

"I'll just grab my bike, wait here for a bit okay?" Jogging off, I quickly detached my bike from its rack and wheeled it back to where Yukino was waiting.

"It'll be faster this way, hop on." So cool, I'm such a gentleman.

Yukino seemed to hesitate for a bit, but then I felt what must have been her weight as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

Badump.

I was sure she could hear my heart pumping. Surely it wasn't safe to do anything when my heart was beating this fast. Yukino gave me a squeeze, as if telling me to get going.

Well, that didn't help my heart beat any. I set my feet on the pedals, and we were off.

"Where are we headed?"

"Eh, Chiba."

* * *

The sun hung low in the sky as I pedaled down the highway. This was a romantic sort of situation wasn't it? Not quite riding into the sunset, but it was that sort of thing. Yukino held onto me lightly, occasionally squeezing a little bit tighter was a car screeched by.

"We'll get there soon right?" she asked, sounding a little nervous.

"Yeah, don't worry about it."

I sped up a little, and we managed to reach Chiba within a few minutes. My foot scrapped along the ground as I brought the bike to a halt. I stepped off and Yukino jumped down lightly. The fading sunlight splashed against her. Wreathed by the shining corona of light, she was perfectly beautiful. As she always was.

Glancing off to the side, she gave me her hand.

"Let's go."

"Yeah, let's." Taking her hand, we began walking. Where, I didn't really know or care. This was mainly to kill time anyways. Oh, I forgot to rack my bike. Ah well, at this point all I could do was hope it didn't get stolen. This was the sort of mood that I couldn't stand to ruin.

We were content just walking around. We didn't talk about much of anything really. Just things, stuff that didn't matter. So why were these sorts of conversations with her so refreshing, so new? I didn't know, and I didn't really care enough to press myself on why. All that mattered was that they were.

"Hey, you wanna stop to get a drink or something?" I gestured toward a donut shop, ignoring the Starbucks across the street. I didn't really care to deal with those sorts of people, with their Macbook Airs and their airs.

"Sure," Yukino answered, her voice soft and light.

Soothing and refreshing in the same breath, that was Yukinoshita Yukino's voice. I ended up ordering a Café au lait with Yukino getting tea. We looked around for somewhere to sit.

"Yahallo!"

Light and airy, that was Yukinoshita Haruno's voice.

"What are you two love birds doing?" Yukino furrowed her brow at the question, so I grabbed her sleeve and dragged her to seats as far away from Haruno as possible.

"So mean," Haruno pouted as she followed us, setting her tray beside ours. No matter what she was wearing, Yukinoshita Haruno managed to give off that impression of lightness, even if she was clad in a somewhat heavy winter cardigan.

"So what are you doing here?" Yukino asked the same question I would normally ask, but at this point there really wasn't any point. Haruno was here, Haruno would start being Haruno.

"Eh, what kind of question is that? Shouldn't you be happy to spend time with your Big Sis? Or am I interrupting something?" At that, Haruno narrowed her eyes and smirked a little.

Yukino turned the slightest shade of pink, so I decided to step in before Haruno could needle her too much.

"What are you doing here, Yukinoshita." It honestly felt like she was laying in wait sometimes. She gave off the predatory feel.

"Just killing time till I meet with some friends," she smiled, "I'm glad you took my advice and took Yukino on a date though. She was really dying to go you know."

Yukino turned a slightly deeper shade of pink.

"Well, this isn't a date, date. We were just walking around, you know."

"Oh wow Hachiman, you have a mature taste in romance don't you?" Now it was my turn to turn a little pink. Smiling as though she had won, Haruno turned away and sipped at her drink.

"So anything new happening with the Service Club?"

"Nothing really, just an annoying request," Yukino said, supplying the concrete answers.

"Really, really? Let Big Sis help you out then, tell me all about it."

So we filled her in.

"Ah so Meguri's finally retiring huh? Why don't you run Yukino?" Haruno patted her sister on the head.

Yukino shook her head, but then seemed to give it some thought.

"I suppose that is one possibility," she said it offhand, not really seeming serious about it.

"Eh, Hikigaya?"

A voice I hadn't heard in a long time called out. I couldn't quite put my finger on who it was till I looked and saw her.

She was with another girl. She had a face with slanted eyes, and her friend wore a short permed bob. They had on the uniform of Kaihin Sougou High. If I remembered correctly, that was quite close to my house.

This was probably the last person I wanted see in this sort of situation. Someone I had tried to forget, really.

"Orimoto…?"

* * *

I had fun writing this chapter too, though some of the stuff I had to get down was aggravating. It's probably because I got to write Haruno, I like writing Haruno for some reason.


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Oregairu or any affiliated characters, etc.

* * *

As expected, Orimoto Kaori was no match.

* * *

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Meeting Haruno was bad, finding Godzilla strolling down the streets of Chiba would have been a disaster, this was a few rungs further down the ladder of shitty things that could happen. An extinction event? I wonder which clade would disappear now.

Shit. I should have just ignored her, instead I turned around and acknowledged her. Years of being a loner should have trained me for something like this. Note to self, when you spend a couple years trying to forget someone, actually manage to forget them.

Shit.

"Hikigaya, you remember me right?"

I nodded, keeping my lips pressed together. The non-confrontational approach was best here, basically I'd subtlely run away.

"Still this quiet huh? I guess some people don't change."

"And you are?" Yukino's face had adjusted itself into a pristine emotionless mask, as when I had first meet her.

"I'm Orimoto Kaori, that defensive reaction though…" Orimoto's eyes narrowed a bit, and she pulled on her friend's sleeve, "Are you Hikigaya's girlfriend or something?"

As she said the words, she giggled a little. Her and her plus-one shared a look.

I remembered those looks, laced through my middle school life like little barbs. What a pain, I should have forgotten this stuff by now.

Yukino simply nodded in reply to Orimoto Kaori's offhand, not-really-expecting-an-affirmative-at-all question.

At that, the questioner placed her arm around Yukino's shoulder. Something was going to go terribly wrong very soon, my loser survival sense was tingling. It was that sort of thing that told you, I should probably run away. Looking around for some way to defuse the bomb ticking happily toward its detonation, I glanced at Haruno.

She was being surprisingly quiet, but it seemed she was simply content to smile serenely and watch the confrontation unfold.

"Hey, wanna hear something fun?" That was a rhetorical question right? If Yukino said "No bitch, I really don't," you would still say what you wanted to say, wouldn't you?

"No."

"Hikigaya confessed to me once, it was like totally creepy, we didn't even talk before that."

Alright, now that was a lie. We definitely talked a few times, I had faith that even my middle school self hadn't been dumb enough to fall for a girl after a few glances and a smile. Actually, scratch that.

My middle school self was an idiot.

"Do you feel threatened by something right now, Orimoto?"

As they say, it's happening.

"Huh?" She said it like she didn't know what Yukino was talking about, but still jerked away from her.

"Is it because I'm pretty? Is it because I'm cuter than you? Are you thinking right now that maybe I missed something when Hachiman confessed to me?"

"Are you, like, stupid or something?"

"Me? No, I'm not but your projection of your owns flaws is a little bit pathetic. You know, there's a saying that you're only as good as the company you keep. Are you wondering right now, that if Hachiman could have someone as perfect and pretty as me as his girlfriend maybe I wasn't looking closely enough, does that make you self conscious?"

Gaping like a goldfish, Orimoto struggled to push words from her lips. With a flick of her wrist, Yukino waved her off.

"I've seen your type before. Would you like to hear something interesting? My slippers were stolen over fifty times in primary school. Of those times, only ten were boys. The others were all girls like you, jealous and insecure. Huh, Orimoto was it? I've done you the favor of acknowledging you, so could you please go away?"

Yukino coughed.

"Ah, I apologize, it appears I wasted too much of my breath on you."

Regal. If one were to crystallize Yukinoshita Yukino into a single word that would be it. In another world, in another time, she could have been a queen. Intent and resolve, beauty and purity, presence and power.

How could someone like Orimoto Kaori hope to stand against that?

"I-I'll be-."

"Leaving? Yes, that would be what you're going to do now. Please leave, thank you."

Accepting defeat was her only option really, if Orimoto got into a real fight with Yukino there wasn't much hope for her. This wasn't a battle, this was more of a scolding. In a real confrontation Yukino wouldn't have left anything for Orimoto Kaori to cling on to.

Her friend pulled on her sleeve.

"C'mon let's go."

"Bitch…" Orimoto muttered it as she turned away. That was something really irritating, this bitch calling my cute girlfriend a bitch.

"Hey Orimoto, you shouldn't go around talking to yourself, people will think you're weird."

She ignored me.

I smiled.

"You guys are so cute together," Haruno reached over like she wanted to tweak my nose. In the intervening seconds I struggled with whether or not I should let her, in which time she managed to tweak it anyways.

The downsides of indecisiveness are rampant.

And what's with that overfamiliarity again? Haruno just doesn't stop does she?

"We may have caused a scene." Glancing around slightly nervously while she said it, Yukino addressed the statement towards me.

"Yeah probably, does that really matter though?" I looked around myself, noticing some of the people closer to us murmuring softly.

"Probably not," Yukino agreed.

"So, what are you guys gonna do about Isshiki's request?"

Haruno asking the real questions. Real because I had no answer.

"We'll think of something." Yeah, we probably will.

"Oh, by the way Yukino where did you wanna go on our day off?" I'd been too caught up in other things to ask till now.

"Um…" She looked slightly embarrassed, but she managed to stutter out the words.

"A c-cat cafe?"

Of course.

Haruno promptly lost it in the background.

"Yeah, sure." Looking outside I realized it was pretty late, I should probably get home before Komachi starts worrying. She'd probably still be a little nervous even with how mad she was.

"It's getting pretty late, we should probably go home."

Yukino nodded her agreement and Haruno cut in again.

"Hey Hachiman, let me spend alone time with Yukino, okay? You don't have to worry about her."

I glanced at Yukino, and she nodded. Basically confirmation I could throw her to the wolves, who knew the sort of conversations that Yukino and Haruno had in private.

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah."

At the door, I turned for a second.

"Hey Yukino," she looked up, "Thanks."

She smiled.

* * *

As I glided down the highway, hopefully not getting run over, I mused.

I needed to think of something, some way that the Service Club would come out of this intact. Even if it was fake, there needed to be some way to preserve this newly fake environment that I had come to cherish.

I wanted to protect it.

And I couldn't think of anything.

I had trouble relying on Yukino, I could freely admit that. I didn't want to be that sort of person that had to rely on her. Like Sagami, like all those other people. I didn't want to be that sort of person.

Yet I couldn't think of anything.

Looking at it objectively, there was only a single variable that had changed.

The relationship between me and Yukinoshita Yukino. I crushed that thought. I trampled it. I hoped it would go away.

This doubt that had begun to surface.

* * *

As always, thanks for reading, and as always I'd very much appreciate any sort of reviews. Thanks again.


	7. Chapter 7

I don't own Oregairu, or any affiliated characters, etc.

* * *

As expected, thinking makes everything harder.

* * *

I lay in bed, thinking.

Spending the last few days in hormonal lovesick bliss had been enjoyable, but it had precluded me from thinking. How could I think clearly when Yukinoshita Yukino was beside me? It wasn't exactly possible. At least not now, it had been possible before.

There were four players in this game that had been set forth by Isshiki Iroha. Or rather players that matter to me. Myself, Yuigahama Yui, Yukinoshita Yukino, and Isshiki Iroha herself. I suppose Miss Hiratsuka, but she was generally shielded from the consequences so I could remove her. Normally, I would be able to take myself out of that equation as well.

The constant that was Hikigaya Hachiman normally bore no thought, I would be able to subject myself to anything as long as it accomplished the intended goal.

_There are people who'd get hurt watching you get hurt._

That was now true, my well-being was now tied in with Yukinoshita Yukino's happiness. I could no longer forfeit myself, and that was why I could think of nothing.

The only thing that had changed was the relationship between myself and Yukinoshita Yukino, but that had changed everything. That just meant I had to simplify the equations. I had to take care of the other variables.

Isshiki Iroha had asked for a solution to the problem, so the easiest way to end this would be to remove Isshiki Iroha completely. She wasn't that sort of person though, the person that would give herself up for anyone else.

The impression I got from Isshiki was that she wasn't cut out for martyrdom, she had as bad an attitude as I did.

I could not compromise Yukinoshita Yukino.

I could not compromise Yuigaham Yui, as she was essential to the Service Club.

I could not compromise myself because my well-being was tied to the happiness of Yukinoshita Yukino.

If I subjected myself to pain, she too would feel pain. Man, what a pain.

In fact I could not even consider compromising Yuigahama because it would affect Yukino the same way.

And so I couldn't think of anything.

Unless the assumption that Isshiki's request had to be fulfilled now that it was taken on was wrong from the beginning.

I needed to talk to Miss Hiratsuka.

* * *

"Oh, imagine seeing you here again, you must really be having trouble Hikigaya."

Miss Hiratsuka spun her chair around lazily, turning to face me with legs crossed. She must have picked that up from a manga or something.

Putting out her cigarette she looked at me, waiting for me to start baring my soul I guess.

"Oi, Hikigaya, spill." Geez, so impatient, but I guess I had come to for her advice, or her leniency.

"May we, as the Service Club, reject a request that we have already accepted?"

Pursing her lips, Miss Hiratsuka seemed to think on it for a moment.

"As long as you three come up with a good reason, but I get the distinct feeling you're coming here alone."

Tch.

"So if you get those two to agree, I suppose I have no argument. Unlike you, they have good sensibility and work ethic," glancing up at the ceiling for a second, she continued.

"There's still a question I need to ask though, Hikigaya.." And what question would that be?

"Why would you talk to me about this before Yukinoshita?"

Tch.

I guess this was inappropriate in multiple senses. The sense of disruption in hierarchy, Yukino was the president of the Service Club, and so should be consulted before Miss HIratsuka anyways on "internal" affairs. Then there was...

Miss Hiratsuka's expression softened.

"It must be tough for someone like you to rely on someone else. Relationships are give-and-take though, you need a baseline of trust, something like that. I've screwed up enough times to get a decent read on how things should work out."

"A for effort, F for execution then, huh, Miss Hiratsuka?"

"I guess you could say that, not that you're doing much better. So I won't hit you."

"Thanks."

"Once you're in a relationship people expect to be able to rely on you, and expect you to rely on them. You can't walk down this one-way street that you've been ambling down your whole life if you want this thing to work. There are a lot of ways relationships can fall apart besides, guilt, all that mumbo jumbo," she paused, "So make things easier on yourself, okay?"

Guilt.

I nodded.

"Anyways, did you take my advice and allow yourself a little happiness before agonizing over this mess?"

"Yeah."

"Good, I'm happy."

Turning away, I said, "Thanks, I'll talk to the others."

"Good luck, I suppose."

I'll take that well-wishing, after all luck wasn't my strong point.

* * *

I should get the harder conversations over with first, that means I should pay Yuigahama a visit. Though really that just meant I needed to talk to Yuigahama during lunch. I had classes to sit through before that, as I'd talked to Miss Hiratsuka during the morning.

I'd left the house early, just dropping a note, partially because confronting Komachi still terrified me a bit.

Anyways, it would probably be a lot easier if I was able to find Yuigahama away from her clique, less explaining to do when I talked to her. Then again, with the news going around that I was going out with Yukino, I probably didn't have to do that sort of thing.

Still, force of habit I guess.

Ding. The bell that sounded lunch had rung, and Yuigahama started walking to meet Yukino.

Should I talk to them together, or would it be easier to approach them separately?

Think, you have about ten seconds, you should have thought something like this through before.

Stick to the plan, right?

Talk to Yuigahama alone, it would be easier that way, less complicated, less variables to consider in the particular moment.

As she passed me I made my move.

Not like that though, that'd be way too scandalous. Also I would be a terrible person.

"Hey Yuigahama, can we eat together today, I need to talk to you about something."

Yuigahama paused, thinking for a moment. She tilted her head.

"Why?"

"Private conversations should be private, right?" Laughing, she seemed to signal her agreement.

"Ah, yeah, alright Hikki. Let me just text Yukinon and tell her I can't make it today."

Thank god Yuigahama had tact, I envy her really.

Deciding to walk off in an arbitrary direction, we eventually agreed to sit on the stairs leading to the roof.

"Geez Hikki, you're so lazy." I'm not lazy, I just do the minimum amount of work required.

"Anyways, what did you wanna talk about?" Right, the tough part.

"What do you think about Isshiki's request Yuigahama?" Yuigahama tilted her head, seeming a bit confused about the question. She picked up on the deeper implications I guess.

It was Yuigahama after all, she understood stuff within this context quite well.

"Huh? Oh, Isshiki's request seems like it might be really tough. I mean, like, really tough, you know? Tobe's request was pretty hard too, but I'm not sure how we're going to do this one."

"Do you think it's worth the trouble?" Yuigahama looked confused at this.

"The Service Club is supposed to help people right?"

Yeah, the Service Club is supposed to help people isn't it? Or rather isn't the Service Club supposed to help people help themselves? How is Isshiki Iroha going to learn how to help herself if we just give her a way out.

If anything, she should be forced to face the consequences of her frivolousness and her idiocy. Though I don't think Yuigahama would think of things that way.

"I don't think we should have accepted this request. It doesn't help anyone."

"Huh, doesn't it help Isshiki? I'd feel bad, she's counting on us, if we just dropped her request."

"Isshiki needs to understand her actions have consequences." But that was just a rationalization.

"Yeah." She sounded like she wanted to continue that statement.

She sounded like she wanted to say "So does someone else".

As if I wasn't feeling bad enough already.

"Hey, Hikki, I think you should talk to Yukinon about this, okay? If she can't think of anything then...I guess we can tell Isshiki." Yuigahama glanced to the side as she said it, avoiding my eyes.

"I'm glad you talked to me about this too, though. So thanks, Hikki." She was talking about something else again.

She smiled at me. That wasn't a smile I could reply to properly, so I took that as the end of our conversation. I stood up and stretched.

That had been tough.

* * *

Sorry for the relatively long time it took me to write this. I was busy and this chapter was hard to write. I'll try to get another update in the next couple days, after that I'm going on vacation for a week so I probably won't find the time to put anything up for that week. As always, reviews are appreciated and thanks for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

I don't own Oregairu, or any affiliated characters, etc.

* * *

As expected, Hikigaya Hachiman screwed up.

* * *

Having opened the door to the club room, I only caught sight of Yukino inside. I guess Yuigahama skipped out to let us have a private conversation. She was sitting as she usually did, but she looked a little tense.

Maybe it was because Yuigahama wasn't here again? Yuigahama had been coming every day seemingly getting back into the swing of things, and I was usually fashionably late. So her not being here must of thrown Yukino off.

"Any luck thinking of a solution?" Right to business, huh. That's almost rude, aren't we a couple, we should be cuddling or something. Whispering sweet nothings, and braiding forget-me-nots into our hair. I almost burst out laughing, but managed to contain myself..

The thought of Yukinoshita Yukino frolicking like that was ridiculous. It was hilarious. It was also adorable and something I'd like to see.

"Nope."

Acting significantly less frustrated than I really was, I took a seat next to Yukino.

"You?"

"Well," Well that sounds ominous, doesn't it, "I was thinking…" Yukino doesn't usually hesitate like this.

"Oi, Yukino, spill."

She glared at me for a second but managed to continue.

"Since you hadn't thought of anything I'm going to participate in the election Hachiman. It is the duty of the Service Club to complete their requests, as I see it, this is the only way."

What was this called? A foregone conclusion, that was it, something that I should have seen coming. Yukino was this sort of person. Even if I couldn't hate this part of her it could still make me sick.

I guess my normally calm expression was slipping a little, if Yukino's face was any indication. She had that pained forced half-smile on her face. That wasn't something I wanted to see ever again.

"Yukino, you don't have to force yourself."

"I'm not, I'm doing what I need to do." Isn't that the same thing? We're really good at rationalizing things, aren't we Yukino? Yukinoshita Yukino tends to be honest to other people, but she lies a lot to herself.

In that way we're cut from the same cloth.

"What about us?"

It wasn't the sort of question that I ever thought I'd be asking. It didn't feel very natural coming out of my mouth. It wasn't about our relationship though. It was about the Service Club.

This "us" included Yuigahama, even if that sort of "us" was selfish.

"It won't affect our relationship."

That wasn't the elephant in the room right now.

"What about the Service Club, Yukino? If you're the president how are you going to-"

"I'll make the time."

You won't, you have a one-track mind. The second you put your mind onto something, you'll put all of yourself into it. You're that sort of person.

"No, you won't. You'll try to but you won't be able to."

I had been staring at the floor. I finally looked at Yukino.

This was the first time I can remember seeing tears in her eyes. I still asked the question though.

"Why?" It was something I should have stopped myself from asking, really. It wasn't a question I had been put in position to ask before. It was as if our roles were reversed. Normally it was Yukino or Yuigahama asking me why, why I had to do things the way I did things.

Now I knew how it felt.

It hurt.

But the question hurt Yukino more than this feeling could hurt me.

"Because nothing's the same anymore!" She screamed it out.

At the top of her lungs, and it seemed echo through the school.

She looked at me, with that face of bitterness and disappointment. She looked at me, and then she stormed out.

"Fuck."

It was all I could say. I could say a lot of things, I could cry. I could complain. Or I could just say "Fuck" and be done with it.

That's right, nothing was the same now. I stirred things up, or rather Yukino did. Though I couldn't resent her for it. I really had been happy, for the first time in a long time. Yukino's decision had granted me that.

I picked my bag, opened the door, stepped out, closed it. I slumped against the wooden frame, and let myself fall to the ground.

"What the hell am I doing?"

I really should have chased after her shouldn't I, but I'm not a romantic sort of person. I'm not that kind of guy.

Fuck.

Miss Hiratsuka had said it was okay to be a little selfish from time to time. I had been so selfish that now I hated myself. I'd not realized Yukino's feelings. That this fake normalcy that I found acceptable had been tearing her apart. Both she and Yuigahama had been pretending for me I guess.

They probably couldn't stand pretending that things were okay, that things were the same.

But I was selfish.

There was a cost for everything and I simply couldn't acknowledge it. Somewhere I hoped that things were just going to be okay, I guess. That things were going to work out. That Yukino and I could just be in the situation that we left ourselves in.

That "Yukino and I" could be something upon factoring in the world around us.

But could we?

What the hell am I doing? What the hell was I doing? There was no way things could be the same. Only a single thing had changed, the relationship between Hikigaya Hachiman and Yukinoshita Yukino.

But that had changed everything.

"Oi, Hikigaya." I felt a hand come down on my head, hard.

"Whatever you're thinking right now, it's just escapism." I looked up and saw Miss Hiratsuka.

"Why are you here?"

"Huh, you think I couldn't hear Yukino running out of the club room? You must have screwed up pretty badly." Miss Hiratsuka scratched her face.

"I guess what I'm saying Hikigaya is, be a man."

"Right."

"Yep. Be a man Hikigaya. You aren't the type to wallow in self-pity, are you? You were always proud of your dysfunctional self. Now you're somewhat functional, you should be even prouder."

Somewhat functional, that's high praise.

So I guess I could try. I dusted myself off, so to speak, after all I don't give up easily.

I'm the type who can hold a grudge, so I should be able to hold onto this just a little bit longer.

The little taste of sweetness in my life.

* * *

Unexpected stuff put the kibosh on my vacation. But I get to post another chapter of my fanfic so it's all good. This chapter was pretty short but a lot of stuff happened. The conflict is pretty much coming to a head at this point. I hoped you've enjoyed reading this fic so far, thanks for reading, and as always reviews and criticism are appreciated.


	9. Chapter 9

I don't own Oregairu, any affiliated characters, etc.

* * *

Unexpectedly, Hikigaya Hachiman attempts to tell himself the truth.

* * *

It was a lot easier to destroy something than to try and build it back up again. Invariably my solutions to problems would always end up somewhere near the concept of destruction. Destroying the relationships around people, breaking down delusions. Crushing people's rationalizations and denying self-comforting lies.

I was helpless when it came to this. This situation where I needed to build things up again, to reaffirm relationships.

"Be a man."

Nice vague advice, Miss Hiratsuka. I regret ever thinking you were a reliable teacher, what a cop-out. I felt like smashing my head against the lamp post conveniently placed right next to the bench I was sulking on.

What was sunshine anyways? Cancer juice pretty much, if anything I should be slathering on the SPF 100.

I was sick of myself. Buried beneath this vast expanse of perception was the truth. It was an impossible ideal to reach and uphold, but that didn't mean I couldn't look at myself with some semblance of clarity.

Lying to myself, I had spent years trying to stop myself from doing that. It had first manifested in the desperate attraction I felt at glances, off-hand smiles, a word here or there. That has morphed into something more dangerous, more insidious, more seemingly innocuous. Now it was this.

I just couldn't stop could I?

So I ask myself these questions, to carve out some semblance of truth.

What do you care about most?

Myself? Probably, in the end that is what is most important right? Right? Sense of clarity my ass. At least give yourself a clear answer.

So what is most important to you?

Right now, in this moment? Yes. This chance I had at happiness.

Is anything worth giving that up?

My life, her life. Barring anything in the realm of those unreasonable costs, nothing.

Do you love her?

…

Do you love her? Or do you love the ideal of her, or do you love what she represents?

Is it selfish? Probably. Do I love her? Yes. Do I love the ideal of her? Yes. Do I love the possibility she represents? Again, yes. They are not mutually exclusive, nor are they all healthy forms of love, or healthy motivations. I never claimed that to be the case though.

Happiness. This was the pursuit of some semblance of happiness.

Does she love you?

Probably. She confessed to me didn't she? All this is useless if I'm not strong enough to take her words at face value. If she rejects me then she rejects me.

Can you take that sort of pain?

Yes.

Can you take the sort of pain you may cause her?

…

Can you?

She's in pain already.

Are you arrogant enough to believe that you can soothe that pain?

Yes.

Then that's good enough.

Forcing myself to stand up I oriented my body towards the most logical place. Yukino's apartment. I glanced down at the pavement, as if asking it for some sort of reassurance. It stared blankly back at me, as if asking, "You're looking at slabs of stone for advice? You must really be going crazy."

That was reassurance enough.

* * *

The sun followed my path for as long as it could, bathing me in first strong, vibrant, then pale, flickering light. I could safely say that I loved twilight, this world shrouded by a mixture of sunshine and darkness. Still, as the last remnants of the sun disappeared over the horizon I took comfort in the blackness.

One foot ahead of the other, the blind leading the blind from street light to street light. As long as I could barely see myself moving forward, as long as my destination remained an arbitrary point an arbitrary distance away I could stave off my worry. I struggled to not ascribe meaning to any point by giving it the label "20 minutes away", "10 minutes away".

As long as this distance I was traversing had no meaning I could push away my doubts. I could do that for as long as possible.

As long as this place didn't face me as it did now. This massive monolithic structure, a testament to human engineering, really. Walking between the automatic sliding doors I couldn't help but feel some twinges of worry. Getting bogged down in what-ifs was pointless though, what-ifs don't matter until they become just whats.

That's what I tried to convince myself of as I heading toward the intercom. I pushed the buttons and waited, that was all that I could do.

"Hello?"

"It's me, can we talk?"

Pause. A long pause. A pause that was so long I could feel the blood freezing in my veins.

"Yeah."

The doors slid open and I made my way toward the elevators. Another few buttons and fifteen floors later I found myself in front of Yukino's apartment.

1507.

Another button, another ding.

Another door opening.

My chest hurt.

Yukino looked like she had been crying. She had made an effort to hide it, but it didn't seem like something she had put much heart into. Her crying was painful, her feeling like she had to hide it from me was gutwrenching.

She didn't need to do that.

There wasn't any way I would ever think any less of her from something like that.

"Come in." I heard the faintest tremble in her voice, and all I could think was that this was my fault. I had been stupid.

This was my fault wasn't it?

I sank into the couch across from Yukino and we stared at each other. A stand-off? It almost felt like one, like each of us was waiting for the other to make a move. Each of us was waiting for the other to express themselves, to share their feelings, to share something of themselves.

I had come here, I should take the initiative.

But I couldn't, I sat there silent because I hadn't thought this through. Not really, I had affirmed my convictions but I had no idea what to say. Neither of us were that sort of person, so we sat collecting our thoughts. A disturbingly nerveracking silence, it made me want to fill the world with white noise.

I guess this was as good a time and as good a way to break the silence as any.

"I love you."

A quaint reversal wasn't it?

* * *

It's been a long time since the last update, due to a combination of my own laziness and depression over my vacation being cut short. I was also a bit busy besides, which resulted in this rather monstrous lag time inbetween updates. I'll try to be more consistent in the future, sorry about this. Like always, thanks for reading, reviews always wanted and appreciated.


	10. Chapter 10

I don't own Oregairu, any affiliated characters, etc.

* * *

As expected, humans are creatures of habit.

* * *

People only lie because society tells them that they need to.

A fib here or there, a white lie, that never hurt anyone right? People lie because people don't want the truth. People lie because people prefer a watered down version of what really is, or as close to what really is or what really happened as someone can possibly get. Lies and secrets are just a form of adaptation that humanity has undergone to survive. In the end, the only aim of nature is reproduction, the only aim of reproduction is the propagation and continuance of the species.

Doesn't that mean relationships, where you share and confide in one another, are unnatural?

* * *

"How does that change anything?"

"It doesn't really, I just thought I'd say it," I wouldn't have been fooled into hysterical, euphoric, illogical happiness by those words, so why should Yukino? Well, I was just a few days earlier, but that was an exception, not a rule.

This entire situation had gotten much harder since we had chosen to break our silence. Now the obligation to explain ourselves fully, to have this sort of talk where we outlined our priorities, where we outlined what we were to each other, was in place.

"I've made Yuigahama sad haven't I?" Friendships would always be strained, frayed, and cracked by relationships and professions of love. There are things about people that would never change.

Greediness is what defines humanity, since we are all guilty of it. Gandhi, Buddha, can those sorts of people really be called human anymore? In my mind Yukino had almost reached that level of person.

Not because she was unselfish, though in the grand scheme of things, she was. She really was. Rather because it me she had always seemed ethereal, like each encounter I had with her was fleeting.

"Love is selfish, or I guess this romantic love is. All forms of love are in some ways selfish though. Pure, unadulterated, unconditional love, that isn't something that you see very often is it?"

Yukino bit her lip. Huh? Oh, was she thinking that sort of thing.

"That's not what I want from you," I waved my hands to emphasize the point, "That sort of thing isn't really any fun, I guess you could say. It's not really something that we should be striving towards I suppose."

She seemed to understand at that clarification.

"So basically, any form of love just exists so you can feel good about yourself in some way right? Yeah, you probably made Yuigahama sad, but that blame doesn't lie solely with you. I'm to blame too."

I took her hand at those words. Not for myself, but for her. But really for myself, because that is what love, that is what all human emotion drives towards. The fulfillment of self. I can lie to myself about this though, because I do want Yukino to be happy, don't I? I also want myself to be happy.

I've made peace with my own selfishness. Selfishness and selflessness while opposites, are not mutually exclusive.

Yukino didn't squeeze my hand in affirmation, but she didn't pull away. That was enough.

"So stop trying to take care of everything yourself, alright? You're being selfish. I deserve some of the workload too, even if I'll hate it. I'm pretty competent, you know." As I said it, I puffed out my chest reinforcing the sense of false bravado.

She smiled at that, just the tiniest bit. So I was happy, just the tiniest bit. Is it selfish or selfless to make someone else happy when your own happiness is contingent on theirs?

I guess in the end it is love, no matter how screwed up it is.

The feeling of love was something of a noble one, no matter how twisted it got. After all it wasn't the feeling of love that was twisted, but rather what it was directed at or how it was directed. Humanity ruins the dreams, humanity ruins love.

Love is a concept so it really can't be evil or cause anything malicious, her love didn't cause any of this. My love didn't cause any of this. I did, and she did. I mean I really don't believe in something defeatist like love made me crazy, or love made me illogical so I couldn't do anything about.

It's really defeatist and escapist.

So I'd rather pose a solution. I'm pragmatic, and I'm logical.

Proposing a solution doesn't mean someone accepts it though, so I looked at Yukino. She hadn't pulled away yet, but that didn't mean she agreed with me. That didn't mean that she accepted this selfish solution, which was basically just let's be selfish and live in bliss together.

Was it too cruel a thing, to be happy?

Maybe it was. Yukino tensed as she saw I was actually looking at her, staring really. She fidgeted, she seemed really uncharacteristically uncomfortable. Was I coming on too strong or something? I don't know crap about this stuff, I just do what I do I guess.

I was all about choice, I wanted to do what I want. Yukino could do what she wanted. If she wanted to do what she felt obligated to that was fine by me. Fine? Not really fine, I would feel like shit, I would feel horrible. In the end it was her decision, not mine.

I didn't go around trying to control people. Well most of the time. I'd rather not be a clingy or manipulative lover though, this felt too much like coercion for my taste.

I let go of her hand.

"In the end it's your choice, Yukino. You don't have to worry about hurting me."

"You just don't get it do you?"

"Huh?"

"That's the problem. I should be worrying about you. You should be worrying about you, you always talk about how you're so selfish but you aren't," she looked down as she said it. She sighed and continued, as if finally relieving herself of a weight she had been bearing for a long time.

"I hate the way you do things. I don't hate you but I hate that about you." I tried to say something, but she gave me a look that told me to just shut up and listen for a bit. I could do that.

"You say things like that you're selfish. You aren't, not in the least, not at all." She paused at that.

"You're so disgustingly selfless when you shouldn't be. So you never rely on anyone else, because you're always giving yourself up."

She didn't say it like it was a compliment, because it wasn't.

She looked disgusted, because it was disgusting. Selflessness isn't automatically correct, but I never thought of it as selflessness. I only saw it as pragmatism.

"So."

So?

"So I can't do it." Ah, was that it then?

"I can't do it as long as you keep trying to give yourself up. I can't, okay, Hachiman? It's too hard to deal with. Everything falling apart when everything should be falling into place."

So Yukino had dreams like that too? Or maybe not dreams, the whispers of a dream, the subtle trail of fairydust leading to that idealized form of love. I wanted it too, I had wanted it, I guess I still wanted it now.

But that wasn't to be. That wasn't what she had decided, and I had decided that I would respect her decision.

To a degree.

I didn't want to leave this behind. So I would try again, to trace this path gilded with imaginary footprints.

"I get it."

Yukino nodded, curt? No, she was hiding her emotions again. It didn't feel right to me, but to pry would be beyond my jurisdiction. After all I wasn't her boyfriend anymore.

A cynic is just a broken idealist afterall.

So I'd struggle and search for that ideal again, as much as it hurt. As selfish as it is Yukinoshita Yukino's feelings are no longer a priority equivalent to my own as my status as her "boyfriend" is null. So with this I could chase after her again.

I really am a creature of habit. A liar who loves lying to himself.

* * *

*See other end of chapter notes for general blueprint of what I would have written here but didn't cuz lazy*

This fic will probably be ending in anywhere from 2-5 chapters. Thanks for reading, appreciate reviews as always.


	11. Chapter 11

I don't own Oregairu, or any affiliated characters etc.

* * *

Yukinoshita Haruno is...

* * *

There are about three, give or take, characteristics I would most closely associate with Yukinoshita Haruno.

Excessively non-committal, yeah probably.

Incredibly capricious, yep.

Ridiculously perfect.

In the wake of my breakup with Yukino I'd managed to smooth things over with my sister. The conversation had gone something like "Sorry for being an asshole," on both sides, with Komachi commiserating my short-lived romantic escapade. Escapade? It probably hadn't even reached the level where it could be called an escapade. With one cute but sometimes exceedingly annoying relative out of the way, I now had to deal with another. Though it was Yukino's relative, and she was exceedingly annoying with a dash here and there of cuteness.

It had been a surprise when I opened my door, still blinking the sleep out of my eyes, to see Haruno standing there. She had sought me out before, but it never felt like she had. I was probably just being paranoid thinking that she was lying in wait, it could have simply been coincidence. In the moment it had felt like coincidence, but afterward it had gained the impression of having been planned. This meeting was clear cut, black and white. She had come here for the sole reason of talking to me.

"Hey," I managed to squeak out. Raising her eyebrows, Haruno poked me on the forehead.

"No need to act so scared," she said. It was airy, there was always that sort of feeling around here. Light. Even though I'd felt it plenty of times, I couldn't get used to it. The dissonance between Yukino and her was probably the reason.

"It's not like I'm here to beat you up for hurting Yukino or anything," Haruno trailed off a bit at that. Even if it sounded like she wanted to, I'd talk to her enough that I could tell she was teasing. Then again, Haruno was always teasing, so it was hard to tell whether she was being serious or not.

"Anyways, wanna be in on a secret?"

Haruno smirked as she said it, giving me a distinct feeling of dread.

"Sure."

"From a big sister's perspective I think it's nice that you failed the first time. If everything was easy it wouldn't be interesting, right?"

"Then you must be bored a lot."

"Yukino is too, but she's too cute to admit it." So she's cuter than you?

"That's a sign of cuteness, then?"

"I thought of all people you'd be able to appreciate those little quirks that make my little sister so adorable." I sighed because it was true, it was odd that the two of us could stand on this common ground. It was a pretty ridiculous common ground too.

"Anyways, I came here to thank you for making things a little exciting, if you wanna talk about it Big Sis is always here."

A vein pulsed in my temple.

"Sure, sure. Now could you leave? My days off are precious."

"You were a lot more fun before the break-up," it pissed me off a little that she brought it up so casually, "You and I used to have so much fun together." It's not like I could deny that, really. Talking to Haruno was more... something than talking to most of people. Fun wasn't the sort of word I'd use to describe the feeling.

Tilting her head, she leaned in a little closer.

"So wanna talk about it?"

There was something on the edge of her voice, a feeling foreign to the plane of emotion that I thought Haruno could show. Was that concern playing about her lips?

"I'm not your brother yet, you don't have to spend time worrying about me."

"Yet? Aren't we ambitious, after getting dumped once too." She smirked again, looking a bit like a smug cat. Normally I'd call someone acting like this a fat cat, but Haruno just didn't fit that image.

"Well if you think about it, third time's the charm, so get ready for another break up in the near future."

She laughed at that. It was clear, high, but ultimately carried that same feeling of lightness. There was a part of me that couldn't be serious whenever Haruno was around. You could be annoyed with her, you could hate her, but you just couldn't resist joking or sparring with her a little bit. That was the part of her personality that I probably liked the most.

I'd almost be attracted to Haruno, if she wasn't so terrifying.

"I appreciate our conversation, Hachiman. It's nice to have a cheeky little brother."

"I'm not your cheeky little brother, don't you think a little more of me than that?" I hated cheeky little brothers. At my words, Haruno pulled back, a look of shock with a dash of disgust appearing on her face.

"You...right after breaking up with Yukino too? I can't believe you, were you angling for me all along?"

Another vein pulsed at my temples.

She quickly shifted her tone to one of a teacher scolding a child that had stepped a bit too far out of line.

"Big Sis understands she can be very appealing, but this sort of relation between to two of us is not okay, understand? I have to admit I was scandalized when I realized your intentions. You are my type and all, but still it's a little inappropriate don't you think?" Finishing her sermon, Haruno grinned at me.

One more vein joined the other two, making a nice little trio pulsing at my temples. Sighing, I raised my hands as if giving myself up.

"You got me, you're way too sharp for me. I was going for you all along."

She laughed at that too.

"When did you start being able to play along? It makes you more fun to talk to, though I can't help but think it takes a little away from your substance," she put the tip of her index finger against her chin, looking up as if deep in thought. After pretending to deliberate for a few seconds, she shook her head furiously.

"Nope, it makes you even nicer, I was just biased before, sorry Hachiman."

"I appreciate the apology."

"But…" at that her voice trailed off dangerously, I inched back a little in spite of myself.

"I gave you a free pass just this once since you spiced up Yukino's life a little with all this drama, but if you're planning on chasing her again," I gulped, "Make sure you don't hurt her okay?" Haruno was way too scary.

"Is your mom really scarier than you? I can't think of anything more terrifying than you right now." She puffed out her cheeks, looking rather pouty. She pouted almost the same way as Yukino. Well, Haruno was the older sister so it was likely more accurate to say Yukino pouted like Haruno did.

"I'm only scary because of my righteous impulse to protect my cute little sister. My mother on the other hand is always scary."

"Well, you've said your piece right? Don't you have some people to pretend to?"

"I always have someone to pretend to, but it's more fun when I can act like myself."

"You've probably forgotten how to a long time ago."

"Maybe I have, that's why Yukino is purer than me. I disapprove of how she tries to chase after me like she does. Even if it's cute. That's why I've condoned your little misstep Hachiman. Yukino would probably be miserable with anyone else."

"Aren't you altruistic."

"No, no, you're misunderstanding," she sounded bitter now, "I'd feel way too guilty if I saw Yukino unhappy."

"Against all odds you're a good sister, aren't you?"

"Shut up siscon." I smiled, a deflection. That probably meant I was on the mark. Though Haruno was much more seasoned at lying to other people, self-delusion was my speciality. I wasn't arrogant enough to think that I could read her perfectly, or at all.

"Well, work hard at it, okay Hachiman?"

"Me, work hard?"

"Yup."

She started walking off, I saluted her as she went.

* * *

To anyone who has read this far, thanks and sorry for the long wait. That's what 3 AP's will do to you. School is such a hassle. Anyways as always any reviews are appreciated, and thanks for reading.


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